Contact Sheet

Only in her worst nightmares. . .

Reaching up.

Proof of the existence. . .

The artist at home.

Black and white certainly is romantic. I love it, it makes me excited to look at it, to do it, to make it come from my own hands. I just don't know if it's what I'm doing right now. . .

photoshop madness

These are what I was messing around doing while waiting for my film to dry. . . they are all scans of prints from color negatives edited in photoshop.

Today I developed black and white film for the first time in. . . over a year. Yeah, over a year. I've never been good at the putting film on to the reel part, so naturally I was nervous about my year hiatus, but it went a lot better than I thought it would. Also the instructions for developing black and white have changed (like they wanted me to rinse with water instead of using stop bath. wtf?) so I had to sort of. . . go from memory on parts of it. And getting the water to the right temperature has always been a problem in that lab. And none of the thermometers are calibrated correctly.

However, despite all those slight caveats, I think my film turned out really well. I made it all the way back over thanksgiving weekend, you can see the series I did in color of that location here. The ones of the bathroom look like they turned out cool. And I also took some of me sitting in my apartment, with some pretty dramatic light coming in through the slats in my blinds. So those might turn out well. I really wanted to wait for them to dry and develop them right away, but started sneezing really badly and otherwise feeling sick so I had to go. Oh well. Anyway I am excited for it.

Artist Statement

This is a draft of the statement I'm planning on using for my BFA exhibition. I thought it might be good to put up since I don't really talk seriously about the conceptual aspects of my work in this blog. I rattle off a few thoughts but don't really take the time to do anything but joke about it, partially because it's hard work to think and write concisely about it, but mostly because I am afraid to let people know my true thoughts. So maybe this will give you a snippet of an idea of what I'm thinking about, where I'm trying to let this work take me.





Living in abandoned houses (ideas of home)

These images are about the idea of houses and home. Houses are structures. They get built. They fall down. Home is something different. House is identifiable but home is unreachable. I can photograph the house I grew up in but I can never go home again.

In a place of transition in my own life I find that I am fascinated with the idea of houses and home. I choose to photograph in spaces that could be considered dwellings but in which I could not realistically exist. These houses are in all different stages. Construction, disuse or disrepair, perhaps ultimate demolition or absence. These houses indicate my fears, of destruction, fragility, impermanence, loss. I attribute a sense of rejection or abandonment by the house, the structure, this purely transitory place. Much like this place in my life where I find I can no longer be completely who I once was, the house displaces me. I do not belong there. Yet although I do not completely belong there, in the house, I seek to connect to it. I make for myself a temporary home.

A house is a structure. A physical structure, static, perishable. A home is an idea. Ever-changing, fluid, damageable but indestructible. While living in abandoned houses I realize ideas of home.

Probably going to be the postcard for my show. The dates are April 27 to May 22, opening reception Thursday April 30. If you want me to send you a show announcement postcard, send me your address. . . I'm going to try to get them out in the beginning of March.

In other news, Barack Obama is President!!

"With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

Revisiting Eagle Mill Road

So Amanda's pissed. So much so that she just can't talk about herself except in the third person. Whatev.

So since Advanced Photo Imaging closed at 3pm Saturday I couldn't get there in time, and Sunday they are always closed. . . and I wasn't sure about the holiday. And for some odd reason I miscalculated and thought my critique was on tuesday instead of wednesday. So I thought I had to take them to Rite Aid to get them back in time. Big. Mistake.

The prints I got back look terrible. I think they simply scanned the negatives and made digital prints from that, so surprisingly enough the scans look better than the prints I have. . . they are just disgusting and grainy. Although even the scans are still pretty blown out light wise, and some of the color is really crappy. So hopefully I will be able to take the negatives to API and get better prints. Let this be a lesson to you all. . . Rite Aid sucks. . . don't trust them with your art. . .

But despite that unfortunate bit of news this is one of the best locations I have ever been to.

Driving home from Portland after Christmas break we took the Ashland exit, and got on to Eagle Mill Rd. Mysha pointed out a house you could see from the road up a little drive. I decided I needed to go photograph there, and two weeks later it happened.

My friend Jared volunteered to drive me out to this location, so he and I, along with Maia and Chesaer, made the trek out. Pictured below: Jared.

Maia and Chesaer waited in the car while Jared and I walked up to the house. Just walking up the drive I got excited, it was all dirt with grass growing between tire tracks. Love it! We bypassed some signage warning us away and came upon this:

Even better yet it was surrounded by a sort of creek/ditch, it quite literally looked like a moat. We had to cross an old rickety bridge to get to the other side. On the side closest to the house some blackberry brambles grew up creating a sort of archway we had to duck under to get past. It was very story-book-esque, I almost lost a kerchief and my sweater got stuck.

View from the house from the bridge you have to cross to get to it.



I started out in a little room facing out towards the little creek. If the light from the windows wasn't blown out you'd be able to see trees in the distance, maybe even the mountains. Look I was decapitated! I don't particularly care for the pic above but the one below is nice. . .

I like the light on my hand.

I had also noticed this crazy shack outside, once the sun started to set I realized I better get out there to check it out. . .

I crawled under it. . . (wicked witch of the east, anyone?)

. . .and into it. . .

. . .and all around inside.


Only frame like this. . . camera was on just a few inches off of the ground. I wish I didn't look so awkward because otherwise it's a super cool image.

One of my favs. I could see my own breath so I would time my breathing so that I would exhale when the shutter clicked. . . it didn't show up in any of them. Oh well.




You can barely see me. Just the way I like it.

Towards the end I was trying to just snap off context frames so I could finish my roll of film, but I kept noticing frames that looked so cool I couldn't pass them up! So this is one of those.

All in all this was a most excellent location, a wonderful photographic event for me! I can't help feeling like these are getting better, although I guess the real test will be when I print them in 16 x 20 myself. . . which will hopefully only lead to better print quality, more control over color, etc. Which reminds me I need to research what kind of filters hoper needs.

Thanks again to Mysha for pointing this location out, Jared for driving me out there, and Maia and Chesaer for waiting patiently in the car. And remember, when you're driving by that old abandoned building. . . think of me. . .

Digital Media

Capturing some digital images on my cell phone camera today, this photograph struck me. Today in photography we were discussing articles dealing with photography since the advent of digital media, how it has challenged the idea of the "real", the photograph as an original object, even the need for further image making (we are so image saturated that you can literally produce any scene you like using found photographs). What is the difference between virtual and real? Can I "catch up" with old friends on facebook, have a "conversation" over text message, if I post a picture of myself today (as above), are you seeing me? Why is my face important? If you can see it, does it mean that I am there?

Maybe, someday, this is what all self portraits will look like?

Old family photos.

Old family photos from my dad's side. . . darn those Brits.

Grandma Marge & Grandpa Albie.

My dad with his mother.

Yes, the lovely bird is my father in drag.

Yeah I really couldn't tell ya. What the heck is that green thing?

My Grandmother.

My dad, my uncle, German Shepard, my grandma Margie. That's what I'm going to look like someday, by the way. (Like my grandma, not the Shepard.) I adore this picture, it's so lovely.

I love going back to old photographs. These are just scans my Uncle sent me, but there is nothing like the look of them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-technology. . . but sometimes I don't understand how people can take a digital picture and be satisfied. I want something I can feel and touch. I want to reach back.

The doors.

Just for fun. While in Portland.

Odds and ends.

So I've spent two weeks in Portland. So far, in that amount of time, I have shot. . . half a roll of film. Finishing the roll I started the day before my birthday. So here are those odds and ends. . .

Inside of the incomplete Pigeon aviary in my back yard.

I like hands on windows.

A few shots from that same, beautiful, burned down house.

My idea for my thesis exhibition was to center around the idea of houses and home. A problem I am forseeing is the diversity of my environments. . . in my drafted statement I mention that the dwellings I choose are in all stages, construction, decay, disrepair. . . and I like that concept, but I'm finding that my strongest photographs are all of dwellings in total disrepair or abandonment. Hm. So that either means an adjustment to my statement or an adjustment of my photo-making strategy. . . ie more locations that aren't burned down houses! Or more attention paid to them. Hm. Just don't know. Anyone know of any cool constuction sites? Or beautiful empty buildings that aren't broken down? Need 'em.